Resolutions

Now we come to the looking forward post, where I record my goals for the coming year. I don't really do "resolutions." Life is such a dance of ebb and flow, with things constantly changing. My goals and plans are the same way. But the beginning of the year is a good excuse to look at things and decide what activities I am going to give some intentionality to. I ended the last post with finances, so I guess that's where I'll begin:

• Budget. More hours at work = more income. Last year was all about moving and almost all of any "spending" money went toward household and garden wants and needs. My budget went out the window, although I stayed within my income until the end of the year, when I racked up my overdraft loan with Christmas gifts, bookcases, and my prescription drugs from Canada. I have now paid that off with my holiday pay for last year. But I have no savings whatsoever. I intend to change that this year, and start saving a portion of each paycheck, even if it is only $25. A major challenge is going to be the car. Can I budget enough to fund a new car, or should I replace the radiator and deal with no power steering in order to save money in the long term? Either way, I need the radiator to hold out for a few more months until I have some savings!
• Fitness. No I'm not going to make a resolution to lose weight, although I hope that will be an added bonus. I have already been trying to walk regularly - 30 minutes a day at least. It hasn't made a dent yet, but I got off track after Thanksgiving when I got sick. Now it is cold and the road covered with snow, so I have been walking around and around through the apartment which is conveniently laid out in a circle. The cats think I am nuts, but I can do it while watching TV. What I intend to do next is add some weight training and yoga to that. I used to do yoga regularly but have gotten out of the habit.
• Beading and knitting. My crafts have mostly sat in the closet since I moved. Time to have some new projects and finish old ones. I still intend to buy some beading software, so that I can produce patterns of the flowers I have designed. Some day I would love to have enough patterns for a book that I can sell.
• Blog and website. Yeah, I really need to find a focus for this blog. Otherwise I'm just writing a diary here. And I would like to create a website - for my flowers, for the Welsh language and dance, for the blog, for family genealogy, etc.
• Entertaining. I got started on this with my Celtic New Year party, but that's just the beginning. I'd like to revive my annual medieval/Owen Glendower party. Maybe have a Gwyl Ifan (midsummer's eve) dance-on-the-lawn party. And back in Iowa City, I used to invite folks over for dinner regularly. Hey! Maybe I'll host one of Mayflower's Mystery Dinners this year.
• Travel. This one might depend on the budget and the car. But at the least, I would like to get to Colorado this summer. And to Atlanta again if Kathryn and Joe have a Michael gathering in the fall. It's been six going on seven years since I went to Wales last. That won't happen this year, but I'd like to be able to start saving for it.
• Name Change. I'd like to make it official this year, and have that special party/ceremony with my indigo robe. Aiming for August on that. But it's not a high priority. A lot depends on the car and the budget for the next several months!

Past, Present, Future

It seems I'm already lapsing in my intentions to keep up this blog more often! On second thought, maybe twice a month is a reasonable goal... And a reasonable question to ask myself is why am I writing this blog? Not for fame and fortune. Mostly it is a way to keep family and friends I don't see regularly informed about my life. I think I also wanted it to be like an ongoing Christmas letter, where I get philosophical and wise. But this year's letter wasn't a bit philosophical or spiritual. (Sorry Dawn.) I'm not even posting it here. In a way this blog is also like a diary, intended to keep track of things that *I* want to recall (like the books I've read) or to keep a record of synchronicities, things I've "manifested," long-term goals, dreams, channeling. And except for the above mentioned family and friends, I don't think anybody reads this blog anyway.

Well, let's face it. There's been a huge shift this past year, from things internal to things external: moving, creating a new home environment, creating a garden, having a job with a fixed schedule, having five Welsh students, running a performing dance group, visiting family, having family and friends visit me, having parties. Without the health issues, the money issues, and the job-hunting issues, which all add up to spinning your wheels endlessly trying to get out of that rut, life moves merrily along full of doing, instead of so much thinking and feeling and wondering why and what is the meaning of life. Surely that's not a bad thing at all!

There's an interesting study out that says people with amnesia (i.e. with no past) also have no future. They have great difficulty imagining a future, setting goals, etc. I find that fascinating for some reason. Writers like Eckhart Tolle extol the virtues of living in the NOW. We spend a lot of time rehashing the past, and worrying about the future. It makes sense to let go of past hurts, and let go of trying to control how the future will unfold, because all our regret, disappointment, anxiety, and worry makes it impossible to truly enjoy the present. On the other hand, it seems to me that the absense of a past, and the inability to plan and dream a future, would also be an impediment to being wholly present in the moment.

AH! I think I have an idea. The NOW must be not the "present," but a neutral state which includes past, present, and future all in perfect balance. And so, having reflected on the past in my last post, and before I move on to looking at my plans and goals for this year, I will record the "present:"

• Home. Office Depot had white bookcases on sale right before Christmas. I bought seven and have finally replaced all of the old plastic shelves that I had. I would have only bought 6, but the 6th one turned out to be the wrong bookcase. Wrong for what I thought I was getting for the bedroom, but absolutely perfect for the living room! So I kept it. It is much larger than the bookcases I got for the bedroom, and it is antique white, which perfectly matches the front door and living room curtains. I have not organized them completely yet, but almost all of my books are now unpacked. I've even unpacked books that stayed in boxes for all of my nearly 12 years in the Powderhorn apartment. Next on my wish list is a nice wooden dining room table and chairs, and some wicker furniture like a loveseat and a rocking chair for the porch.
• Cats. I think we are over the "new cat" stage. I actually saw all three cats playing together yesterday. Yay! Percy still over-reacts to everything and I think I must continue using the Feliway, at least for now. Gwen has an appointment with the vet in Norwood on Tuesday. They need to see her before scheduling a spay. I think I will have them check again for worms. And she has been scratching and losing fur on her head and neck. I don't think it is fleas. Perhaps an allergy??
• Family. My father gave us a scare last week, with some atrial fibrillation. The concern with that is blood clotting, so now he is on blood thinners. I just got back from another trip to Illinois, to see them (the doctor let him travel) and to see Connor in The Wizard of Oz. I also saw Calen play soccer. Becky got sick with a cold. But I had a good time anyway.
• Car. I not only need a new radiator, but the drive belt broke just as I was leaving Illinois. That would most likely mean replacing the compressor again. I did that a year and a half ago and it was over $1,000. At the moment, I think I will NOT fix it, but will put up with having no power steering. I'm not quite ready to buy another car yet. I don't want to have to make payments, and the insurance would be an additional cost. We'll see how it goes though. I may talk to the credit union, at least, and see where I'd be at for financing a car loan.
• Job. I am feeling very secure, which is kind of a novelty after subbing for so many years, and then the upheavals of this past year. I had a very good year-end review, and my hours have been increased to 28 hours a week. Still no health insurance, but my health is good at the moment (knock on wood.) I JUST learned today, that Maggie, who replaced Susan less than a year ago, has accepted a job with Minneapolis. She is leaving in two weeks. Oh my goodness! More changes. And Suzzanne is about to have her baby any day now. That could mean some extra subbing, at least for a couple of months. I'd say things are about to get very interesting.
• Money. Loving the extra hours! And expecting my check for last year's holidays in a week or so. Then I can pay off my overdraft loan (all those bookcases, heh heh, and Christmas presents, and buying drugs from Canada...), pay off the doctor bill from last May, and pay the rest of last year's church pledge. That should bring me square with everything. I have a brand new budget plan already worked out, that I am eager to begin implementing.

Oops! I think I'm anticipating the future. But I like feeling eager. And that isn't possible without something to look forward to! And the future is looking good!

Happy New Year 2007!

I'm going to start out the year with one of my "resolutions" - keeping up this blog better! And maybe even learning how to add pictures to it. The past couple of days have been rather somber with the execution of Saddam Hussein and the death of former President Gerald Ford. Even on the televised coverage from Times Square last night, one of the hosts commented how reflective people seem this year. And doesn't the God Janus have two faces, one looking back and one looking ahead? So here is my list of notable events for the past year, not all of which made it into this blog or into my Christmas letter:

• Celebrated my birthday in January teaching Welsh language and dance at the first Wild Welsh Winter Weekend in Madison, Wisconsin. All expenses were paid. I went on from there to Illinois to spend a few days with Becky and family. Bought myself a Native American flute which I just love.
• February - Our branch manager left to take a job with Hennepin County libraries. This would lead to a major restucturing of the whole Carver County library system, with Waconia, Norwood Young America, and Watertown all under one branch manager as the "Western Cluster." There was much stress and uncertainty over the summer and into the fall as this all played out. Also in February, I took a trip to Atlanta where dear friends Kathryn and Joe were hosting a Michael gathering. It was a very special occasion, finally getting to meet many online friends face to face.
• So many events in March! The St. David's Society's annual banquet, the dance group's Festival of Nations review, Becky and family in town for Cash's job interview in St. Cloud, major car repairs, Mayflower Choir singing Robert Ray's Gospel Mass with guest soloist Libby Turner, a free ticket to see one of my Welsh students in a Gilbert and Sullivan production, major "deconstruction" going on at the apartment with holes being torn in my walls, and looking at new places to live.
• MOVING! I started taking carloads of stuff to my new home with every trip to work beginning in early April. There were rooms to be painted, and new carpeting to wait for, and the movers took my furniture on April 21. It took many trips after that to get everything, but I was finally done by May 1.
• May - the Welsh dance group did two separate performances for the Festival of Nations. I did lots of preparation for gardening - mainly removing rocks. All the garden areas around the house were covered with plastic and decorative rocks. There was no budging it except to pick out the rocks by hand, and dump load after load of them on the gravel road.
• June - a trip to Illinois to see Connor in Oliver! He was one of the orphans/ pickpockets. We had our annual St. David's picnic at the end of June, and I gained a new Welsh student.
• July - Becky and family all came to stay for three days on their way to Rapid City. Dawn and Kathy came, too, and I had 8 people plus two cats and two dogs all here. It was grand! We all went to a Saints baseball game while they were here. Oh yes - the kids got to see a calf that was 10 minutes old!
• The short-staffing and stress at work came to a head in July and August. My mid-year review left me feeling completely overwhelmed. I had a chat with the assistant director, which directly or indirectly led to improved communication about the library's plans and goals. I was also gardening like a fiend, putting in my "rummage-sale" perennials, keeping up with the vegetable garden, and mounting problems with my upstairs neighbor and his dogs terrorizing the cats in the front window. And I had a major computer crash, losing everything on it. But what a shame to have to get a new computer. Hee hee.
• Robin Proud came to visit over Labor Day weekend. Church choir resumed, and yes, I am still going to Mayflower Church in Minneapolis. So much for less commuting... The library hired a new full-time teen librarian for the Western cluster, which went a long way toward easing our schedules. My schedule was changed to include one day a week at Norwood Young America. We had the state Gymanfa Ganu in Mankato. And I attended the Minnesota Library Association conference in St. Cloud. Craig mowed down the fence I had put up to keep his dogs away from the front window. He was probably intoxicated. That was the last straw for the landlord, and Craig was asked to leave by October.
• Planted over 150 bulbs in October. The garden is my pride and joy. I don't want to see winter come. Waah! I got to play recorder on a piece with the church choir. And a couple weeks later I played the piano accompaniment with Dorothy on a four-hands piece. I have a wonderful new double bed, which Dawn gave to me after selling her townhouse. A family of field mice moved into my kitchen cupboards. I bought a live trap, and for about a week was catching one or two a day and driving them to a new home some 5 miles away. Ah, the joys of country living. But it worked. After two weeks, all the mice were gone.
• New neighbors Jose and Dorothy have moved in upstairs. I had a Celtic New Year party with folks coming on both Nov. 4 and 5. Used the outdoor firepit and roasted hot dogs and veggie dogs and made S'mores. The barn kitties that Laurie had just brought from their other place were a big hit, entertaining us by trying to steal marshmallows and climbing all over everyone. I worked on a new computer class to teach at the library. Mom and Dad stayed here for Thanksgiving, with Becky and family staying with Dawn. As soon as everyone left, I came down with a horrible cold and missed an entire week of work.
• December - The new computer class was a big hit, and really boosted my morale. I had a very good end-of-year review which boosted it even more, and best of all the library was successful in getting funding to increase my hours from 20 a week to 28 starting in January. Still no health insurance, and I am now getting my prescription drugs from Canada. I have cheered myself up from the lack of gardening by indulging in some outdoor holiday lights, including a snow man which stands grinning where the bird bath was. A new kitten was adopted on Dec. 5. Meant to be a barn kitty, this one had other ideas and made them quite plain. We had the Welsh Christmas tea, special music with harp at Mayflower, and then Christmas with my sisters and families in Illinois. Mom and Dad didn't make it, but will be coming in January.

It is now after midnight, so I will save the looking ahead part for tomorrow........