Setbacks

Recollections of the past 2 ½ weeks, the last 10 days of which have been very stressful:

Monday, March 6
I finally get to look at the apartment I've been waiting so long to see. It will be available April 1st. On entering the building, there is an unpleasant smell, which I attribute to someone's cooking. It is momentarily off-putting, but I don't think too much about it. The apartment is very nice. The living area is nice and big, the kitchen and bath are all brand new, and it has a nice view with the lake in the background. I take a tape measure and spend some time getting measurements of the rooms and drawing the layout. Last, we move some boxes to get a look at the promised closet. A surprise - it doesn't extend the length of the living room after all. I was skeptical that it would, as the stairway is there. It is only an ordinary closet. Still, it is an improvement over the small apartment I saw in January.

She tells me there is another larger apartment in the building next door, which will also be available April 1st. It is on the back side of the building and she assures me that one DOES have the extra closet space. I want to see it before I make any decision.

I spend the next week wondering which apartment I might take - the "view", or, the "storage." Although the second apartment does not have the view of the lake, it faces south and would be sunnier. I want that.

Friday, March 10
Plans to see the second apartment fall through and now I must wait until Monday. I am eager to have things settled.

Becky and family arrive late at Dawn's. I have only known since yesterday that they were coming. Cash has an interview in St. Cloud on Monday. I am thrilled at the thought that they might be moving so close. Becky hates the idea of moving. Who doesn't?

Saturday, March 11
Dawn's townhouse, which she put on the market recently, is being shown this morning. I meet them and we all go to the zoo. I have to leave early for our Festival of Nations dance review. I rejoin them in the evening at Kathy's for pizza and movies. It is so nice to have family here.

Sunday, March 12
I skip church in order to have brunch with everyone before they leave in the afternoon for St. Cloud. I feel guilty since this is at least the 4th time in the last couple of months.

Monday, March 13, and the beginning of the week of hell...
We are hit late Sunday night with a major winter snowstorm. It is too dangerous to go to work until the snow lets up in the afternoon. South Minneapolis has about a foot of new snow. I would skip work entirely, except that I have that appointment to see the other apartment after work.

We walk in - and the air is so thick with cigarette smell I can hardly breathe. One of my concerns had been the view, but it turns out to be quite nice, looking up toward town. And it would be sunny. The closet is again disappointing. It does extend farther back, but it is built up inside so that the actual square footage is not that great. All in all, I think I will opt for the apartment with the view, and without the residual cigarettes which could take months to get rid of. Then I see...uh oh!...is that black spot up at the bedroom ceiling what I think it is? Oh my God, there's another one, and another and another and another...and they are in the living room too - all along the outside wall. MOLD!! She tells me it is in the other building, too. (Would that explain the odor I noticed last week?) I am told the problem started a few months ago after they put in new windows. I don't remember seeing any mold in the other apartment last week. Her niece has been able to keep it under control with bleach and water. I want to see it again. THIS apartment is unacceptable. She calls from her apartment in the basement, but her niece is sick. I express concerns about the mold, and ask if she would consider a 6-month lease. She says she could do that. I tell her I will think about things and get back to her in a few days. I am quite perturbed by this development.

Tuesday, March 14
The day seems very long. I am working until 8pm. I photocopy all the rental ads from the Waconia paper. After crossing out the places that are over $700 and the places that say "No pets" there are very few left. I am going to have to look outside Waconia AND go up considerably in rent. I call Maggie, our acting branch manager now that Susan has left, and tell her about having to move and my financial concerns. Karla has told me that they will not be filling Susan's position for now, and they want to increase the hours the library is open. Would this mean that I might be able to get increased permanent hours? Maggie says that she will ask. Nothing will be known any time soon however. I come home heartsick and really needing the comfort of my Tuesday online meditation group. But the phone is dead.....

Wednesday, March 15
The phone is still dead. I am fuming. I find the construction workers across the hall and ask about the phone. It turns out they had accidentally cut the wire downstairs in the course of their work yesterday. After they fix it I can finally start making calls and leaving messages. Only one bears immediate fruit, and I have an appointment to see a place at 10:30 before work on Thursday.

I call Darlene, and I feel much better after talking to her. This apartment would be $665 - they charge extra rent for cats. And the deposit is $600. Yipes! Still it is 2 bedrooms. That promises to have more space for me. Thinking about having more space makes me feel more open financially too. I just have to trust that things will work out, and my income will increase, but it is scary.

Thursday, March 16
This apartment is in a large complex. It is out near the highway but is still within walking distance of the library. The rent comes down to $645, but that is still over $100 more than the place with mold. It does have the two bedrooms, and even a deck, and it faces south, but I am surprised at how small the rooms are, and how "cheap" the woodwork. I stew about my two choices. Put up with a mold problem that will probably get worse and could threaten my health, or stretch my meager income beyond what I can comfortably afford for a place that really isn't worth the extra cost? I come home from work feeling very close to despair. And there are no return calls on my answering machine.

Friday, March 17
My horoscope for today: "A goal you've recently been on the verge of attaining may suddenly be hit with setbacks you hadn't expected, Laurel. However major or minor they are, it's going to be disheartening. The only thing you can do is to just pick up the pieces and move on. The goal isn't dead in the water - there are only some extra tasks that need to be done before you achieve it. Do what you have to, and hang in there!"

Still no returns on any of the other calls I made on Wednesday. I am at a pretty low point and in tears. The plumber plans to tear up the pantry wall behind the kitchen sink today and I have had to clear everything out of there, putting it on the bed and wherever. I call Sarah at the church wanting some comfort and prayer support, but I only get her voice mail. The plumber is late and I have another hour before work, since I accidentally set my clock an hour ahead (don't ask me how I did that) and got up earlier than intended. Half of my problem is probably not enough sleep!

I write Sarah an email to explain what has been going on. During that time, two of the apartments in Norwood and Young America call. Both take cats. Both are $600. That still seems like a lot of money, but the one in Young America is listed as a "3-bedroom huge apartment" - I am much cheered.

I go and see the one in Norwood after work. It is even smaller than the apartment in the Waconia complex. It does have a cute little kitchen though, and a free washer and dryer.

I come home and have to put everything back in the pantry. The plumber did not finish the work and will be back on Monday. Oh joy. My emotions are still doing the roller coaster thing, but I get a big boost when Carter gives me a surprise call. It has been a very long time, and it is good to talk with him.

Saturday, March 18
It has been a long and very discouraging week. I work 10-3 and then I go see the apartment in Young America. It is right on Main Street, which doesn't amount to much in such a small town, but enough to feel uncomfortable that it isn't a residential environment. However, the inside is definitely a possibility. The rooms are large, though only one really qualifies as a bedroom. Nice big kitchen. The biggest selling point is the very large sunroom in the back - well that's what I called it, with 6 south-facing and 2 east-facing windows. It is very pleasant. I can picture myself here. The view out the back is at least better than the front view of the Bar and Grill and the Laundromat, though I am looking at parked cars. There seems to be quite a bit of closet space. The bedroom even has TWO closets. The space and all the windows are appealing, though it is old. One of the windows has a cracked pane and the owner says he would not replace it. The window shades have holes in them, and the carpet has seen better days. But it is clearly the best apartment I have seen so far.

I go home and call Dawn to see if she can come back out with me. No luck - she has her Bridge group. I call Darlene and Lloyd. They are free and Lloyd offers to drive, so we go back out that evening. They seemed to like the place, and I liked it better the second time. I came VERY close to handing over the application form and fee - I'm not sure what stopped me exactly. The landlord seemed pleasant, but a bit hard-nosed perhaps, and he did not offer to negotiate on the terms. The thought of $600 a month, plus $600 deposit, plus $25 application fee seemed daunting. And no laundry in the building (though the Laundromat was right across the street.) I decided to take the rest of the weekend to think about it. Back home, still no other calls had been returned.

Sunday, March 19
All seemed to be coming unglued with my emotions. Church offers a safe place to release things that shouldn't stay pent up. Was it fear, relief, or a combination? The apartment seemed better and better the more I thought about it, but my stomach was in knots. I got to the choir warm-up before the service and immediately couldn't sing a note for the tears. So I just sat and let myself cry. Sarah wasn't there (my email on Friday had generated an auto-response that she would be gone until Wednesday), so I went and talked to Carolyn, one of our part-time ministers. That helped. I got a much needed hug. She put me in the prayer requests during the service. Afterward, several people made themselves available for listening. It was a great comfort to know that all these people care.

I came home still a wreck though, and canceled my meeting with Bernie to record one of the CD's for the Festival of Nations that needed to be redone, and I canceled the girl's Welsh class. The place is such a mess from all the construction, with dust and bits of plaster all over, and I just couldn't face having company here. Then I called the landlord of the Young America place and left a message that I had decided to apply. He returned the call shortly and said to call him from the library on Monday and he would come there.

Then, I don't know why, but I looked at the ads again to see if there were any others I could call. There was a very minimal ad for a "downstairs" in a country house south of Cologne. The same number also listed a 3-bedroom apartment. No price was even listed, but I called anyway and left a message. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I think my heart still wanted another alternative.

I went to dance rehearsal, since I couldn't cancel that (though it was tempting.) I was still clearly struggling with my emotions. Ah well. The kids behaved extra well, knowing I was feeling fragile. Later that evening, the Cologne ad called back and it turned out to be worth investigating. The upper apartment was out of my price range, but the lower was $600. One bedroom but he estimated about 1000 square feet over all (more than the 2-bedroom places I had looked at.) I made an appointment.

Monday, March 20
I arranged to see the farm place before work, even though that meant getting up early again, and I was working from 10 until 8pm! A very long day. I didn't know what to expect as I drove out there. I didn't want to get my hopes up, but I really wanted this to be "the one."

My first impression was "Oh no - it's a basement" although the front was ground level with a very nice picture window looking out on a lovely large country yard. Tile and linoleum floors (some were going to be redone), a fairly good-sized living room/dining area though nothing to compare with that sunroom. Smaller kitchen but adequate cupboard and counter space. Gas stove which I prefer (all the others had been electric.) The whole space is very quirky - layout impossible to describe. A good-sized bedroom, LOTS of storage places including a root cellar with dirt floor, and a "tool room" with lots of shelves, miscellaneous tools, and a very large freezer - the kind that would hold a side of beef (or maybe the whole cow??), a laundry area with washer and dryer and even a dishwasher. Oh, and it had a small screened-in porch area in the front. I talked him down to $550, and that includes heat, water, AND electricity. And the deposit is only $300. I asked about maybe doing some gardening. He said, "Well, we have 20 acres - pick your spot!" He even offered to buy all the flowers that I wanted if I would keep it looking nice. Twist my arm.......

My only misgiving was the "basement" aspect of the place and the lack of windows. Would it get water and bugs?? I now felt very torn between the two places. I didn't want the choice to boil down to money, though clearly the farm would be cheaper - ironically, the same overall costs as the lake view in Waconia, except for commuting 10 miles to work.

Tuesday, March 21
Darlene and Lloyd arranged to meet me in Chaska and followed me to the farm place before work. They liked this one better than Young America, and that helped seal my decision. The owner offered 10 days of April rent free if I do the rest of the cleaning (and I don't think it needs much more than they have already done.) I could help pick new flooring for the bedroom, and he would provide paint for any areas I wanted to paint if I do the work. We all took a tour of the upstairs (I was curious), and it is absolutely gorgeous! Three bedrooms, fireplace, beautiful windows, carpeting, etc., all brand new. I don't suppose there is much hope of it, but I thought how WONDERFUL it would be if Dawn and Kathy took the upstairs. I know they want to buy a place, but for $1100 which includes heat, water, and electricity it is an absolute dream. I hope I can get Dawn to at least come and look at it!

Wednesday, March 22
Working again. Glad that I'm getting all these extra hours, but I am exhausted. Woke up about 5:30am and couldn't go back to sleep. I've decided to go for it. I've always wanted to live on a farm (there will be dairy cows after May 15 when he gets everything ready to move them from his old pasture), and I have wanted to manifest a garden for a long, long time. I knew finally that it wasn't about the money when I called to turn down the Young America place and he offered to go down to $550. No, I want that garden and the washer and dryer, and the whole country ambience. No more taking laundry to Dawn's or Darlene's. And it is south of Waconia instead of west - so closer to the Twin Cities for when I drive in for church and all my other activities.

I am off tomorrow and I hope I can sleep finally. It has been a rough 10 days. The kitchen sink only has a temporary hot water faucet now until I move out and they can tear the sink out. And the phone is dead again.......