A sampling of comments from friends and family:
Oh, it sounds wonderful, Laurel -----a FARM. I think you'll love it----and you can still access the city and your activities. Great!
Nancy (Choir director)
---------------------
I am so happy that you were able to find a place to live that is affordable with so many good additions for you---and close to work. I send prayers of thankfulness to our faithful God.
Diane (Church friend)
---------------------
Sorry I did not get to you at church today. I wanted to congratulate you on your apt. find. Good luck. How nice to be so close to your job.
Susan (Church friend)
---------------------
Laurel, Congratulations on the find. It sounds like a wonderful home.
Janet (Church friend)
---------------------
I'm just back from a short vacation. I was about to respond to your last email and am so glad to have just read this. This place sounds really wonderful! Being so close to the land. And they take cats!
Moving is always more trying than one expects. Be gentle with yourself. Cut yourself alot of slack. Allow your self to get a little crazy. It is hard.
But it can end up being a good thing, even when we have no choice.
Hope it works.
Sarah (Minister)
---------------------
Thanks for the info, Laurel. Thank heavens you discovered the mold before you moved in. Farm life will be wonderful and energizing for you, I'm sure. Better to be moving to a farm in the spring than in dead of winter, too.
Good luck and keep me posted.
Mary (Welsh friend)
---------------------
Sounds great! Congratulations. Maybe we can have a picnic there this summer, and dance on the lawn.
Audrey (Welsh dancer)
---------------------
The place on the farm sounds wonderful! I had no idea that you were going through such a tough time...I knew you were planning on moving, but didn't know about the setbacks with the apartment...what a disappointment about the mold! I think you did the right thing. My mom has mold allergies, and I have slight mold allergies, and you would not want to develop that!
Anyway, thank you for letting us know. Alyssa and I read your blog together.
As for the garden!! Yippee! I am a gardener myself, and to think about starting a brand new garden is delightful! Let me know if you want any flowers this spring...I can divide my flowers and share!
Mary (mother of Welsh student)
--------------------
Whew! I've been reading some of your blogs. I think I'm caught up now. Yes, you've had a busy, frustrating time! But you were wise to avoid mold, I think. That can cause serious health problems. The owner should not be trying to rent it with mold in the ceiling. She may have to have the place torn apart and practically rebuilt.
I'm glad you found the farm place. It sounds interesting. Can't visualize it exactly, but if you move there we'll get to see it eventually.
Love, Mom
---------------------
Yay, a garden! a washer and dryer, closet space! and a farm house in the country atmosphere! I think you'll enjoy fixing it up for you, Laurel.
Having to move, finding the right place, and moving can be stressful times. I've done it many times and the best part is always making the new place feel like 'home'.
Best of luck with the upcoming new homestead.
Suz (Michael friend)
---------------------
Hi Laurel, I enjoyed your story in the blog...I hope this will be a great place to live...The garden potential sounds awesome...Love Linda W. (Michael friend)
---------------------
Wow, Laurel, your email about your new place and how everything is working out so beautifully was a real joy to read this morning! I am so glad that you found such a wonderful place and that you opted to stay away from the mold. Happy gardening!
Take care, Linda D. (Michael friend)
---------------------
Oh my go-odness, now it's YOUR turn to head for the "high country" too, huh? LOL! Hearty, warm congratulations to YOU dear lady! "It's (high) time" for those GOOD CHANGES you've been making INTERNALLY these past few years to MANIFEST EXTERNALLY for you now! GOOD WORK, Laurel!
Moving IN is the fun part, for sure; moving OUT is the "balance" factor, and I am praying that the "moving angels" are with you through the whole "shift" into your new life stream energy! Very best of luck with your move, both IN & OUT, Laurel. :-)
And boy, oh boy, are your little kitties gonna' LOVE living on a farm with so much FRESH "moo" available for them any time they wish! They're gonna' think they died and went to heaven, along with their "mommy", no doubt. :-)
"Moving" toward greater "ease" in this life is a VERY GOOD THING in this old artisan's book, for sure! Well done, lady! :-)
Hugs, Terri [Benning] (Michael channel and friend)
---------------------
I read your blog and am so glad to hear about the farmhouse - sounds just fabulous! See, good things do come, even though it's hard to believe so when you get moldy crap thrown at you first! :)
Hope your move goes smoothly! Don't get too stressed about it!
Hugs, Perrine (Michael friend)
---------------------
My heart goes out to you, Laurel...moving is one of the most stressful and life changing events we can have. Looking forward to hearing more as your journey unfolds!
Carter (Michael friend)
---------------------
I've been remiss at wishing Laurel a great new life...Laurel...that's what I wish for you as you make your move. You deserve to find happiness as you're a caring and sharing person with a heart of gold.
Whillo (Michael friend)
---------------------
Laurel, moving *is* stressful, but it is worth it. Thinking of you packing away.
Love, Ann H. (Michael friend)
---------------------
Lots of others have spoken by phone, in the chat room, or in person. Thank you all for the wonderful encouragement and well wishes!
Friday, March 31, 2006
Letting it all sink in
I went out to the new place again yesterday.
I had Wednesday and Thursday off, but some recent car problems meant staying here Wednesday so I could get it looked at. It turned out to be the air intake assembly and I was glad to get it fixed. I also had them change the air filter and the spark plugs which were long overdue. $317 but I am grateful it wasn't more. It's still a good car and I am thankful for it.
I wore old clothes and bought paint and supplies on the way (I'll be reimbursed for that), but as it turned out, I didn't even get any prep work done. I spent the day doing laundry (the washer and dryer work great!) and taking measurements so I could draw up a room layout. Tonight I am drawing it to scale so I can play with little furniture cutouts.
The owner, Rick, stopped by, and I was delighted to learn that he plans to replace the toilet and the kitchen sink, put in carpeting instead of linoleum in the bedroom, and put in a cement walk in the front with a little "patio" by the door. It just keeps getting better and better! He also mentioned that his wife, Laurie, might like to have me give piano lessons to her 7-year-old son, Dylan. He has a couple of "handy" uncles who will be helping with all of this. One of them does a lot of carpentry. So anything I want them to do, I just have to ask. Rick says "We want you to stay forever, so we'll do our best to keep you happy."
Everything is turning out so well! I'm glad I discovered the mold. I'm glad I held off at the last minute on the apartment in Young America. I'm glad I took a chance on a miniscule ad that didn't provide any information. I'm glad I didn't settle prematurely along the way just to have it over and done with. I'm glad the cost turned out to be virtually the same as the apartment in Waconia. There certainly were none cheaper. And I'm glad that I will have so much more space than I do now. And a garden!!!! In my wildest dreams I didn't think I would be able to meet all these desires. Sure I would like to have more windows, and not be in a basement, but I do have one great big window, plus the porch, plus the future patio and garden. I'd say that is more than adequate compensation!
How did I manage to manifest this? To what do I owe my good fortune? I tried to listen to my heart at each step, I allowed space for "more" to show up by being willing to be more open financially, and I followed my best instincts. Yes, I got overwhelmed emotionally a few times, but I never shut down. I never let fear or anxiety dictate my choices. And I'm darn proud of myself.
I had Wednesday and Thursday off, but some recent car problems meant staying here Wednesday so I could get it looked at. It turned out to be the air intake assembly and I was glad to get it fixed. I also had them change the air filter and the spark plugs which were long overdue. $317 but I am grateful it wasn't more. It's still a good car and I am thankful for it.
I wore old clothes and bought paint and supplies on the way (I'll be reimbursed for that), but as it turned out, I didn't even get any prep work done. I spent the day doing laundry (the washer and dryer work great!) and taking measurements so I could draw up a room layout. Tonight I am drawing it to scale so I can play with little furniture cutouts.
The owner, Rick, stopped by, and I was delighted to learn that he plans to replace the toilet and the kitchen sink, put in carpeting instead of linoleum in the bedroom, and put in a cement walk in the front with a little "patio" by the door. It just keeps getting better and better! He also mentioned that his wife, Laurie, might like to have me give piano lessons to her 7-year-old son, Dylan. He has a couple of "handy" uncles who will be helping with all of this. One of them does a lot of carpentry. So anything I want them to do, I just have to ask. Rick says "We want you to stay forever, so we'll do our best to keep you happy."
Everything is turning out so well! I'm glad I discovered the mold. I'm glad I held off at the last minute on the apartment in Young America. I'm glad I took a chance on a miniscule ad that didn't provide any information. I'm glad I didn't settle prematurely along the way just to have it over and done with. I'm glad the cost turned out to be virtually the same as the apartment in Waconia. There certainly were none cheaper. And I'm glad that I will have so much more space than I do now. And a garden!!!! In my wildest dreams I didn't think I would be able to meet all these desires. Sure I would like to have more windows, and not be in a basement, but I do have one great big window, plus the porch, plus the future patio and garden. I'd say that is more than adequate compensation!
How did I manage to manifest this? To what do I owe my good fortune? I tried to listen to my heart at each step, I allowed space for "more" to show up by being willing to be more open financially, and I followed my best instincts. Yes, I got overwhelmed emotionally a few times, but I never shut down. I never let fear or anxiety dictate my choices. And I'm darn proud of myself.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Holding the space
What a long week! Almost 36 hours of work, dance rehearsal, choir rehearsal, Festival of Nations details, and finding a new home. I went to the farm after work yesterday and met the wife, signed the lease, and paid the deposit and April rent. Then I had a ticket for Princess Ida (Gilbert and Sullivan) from one of my Welsh students. She and her mother were in it. It was a long show and I had to get up early this morning as the church choir was doing both services.
We sang Robert Ray's "Gospel Mass" with guest soloist Libby Turner, who sings with Voices of Blackness. It was phenomenal. There is nothing like gospel-style music to touch the emotions. Even so, I was surprised to find myself once again needing to release all of the pent up "things." I can't be any more specific than that. I told Sarah that there's a great tug of war going on inside between wanting to celebrate and needing to grieve, between hope and anxiety, the whole gamut of emotions. All I can do is try and hold the space in my heart for all of them at once. Whatever will be from moment to moment is what is, and is okay.
It is difficult because everyone around me wants to congratulate me, and I feel such a strong need to say "Yes, but...." It's not that I am trying to be negative, I just want to make sure THOSE feelings don't get buried. Those feelings are there too, and I almost have to fight to have them acknowledged.
I took laundry to Darlene and Lloyd's this evening. Perhaps for the last time. I am really looking forward to having my own washer and dryer! I asked Darlene to do some energy work on me, because I was feeling so jagged. I really expected there to be an emotional release, and was surprised that it took physical form instead (shivering, legs twitching, muscle spasms, etc.) I shook for a good 10 minutes after Darlene finished the session. I am shortly to bed now, as I feel like a rag doll. But the knot in my solar plexus is gone. I can feel how much more relaxed I am. And perhaps there is enough space for ALL the emotions now, so that they don't have to compete with each other to get my attention.
We sang Robert Ray's "Gospel Mass" with guest soloist Libby Turner, who sings with Voices of Blackness. It was phenomenal. There is nothing like gospel-style music to touch the emotions. Even so, I was surprised to find myself once again needing to release all of the pent up "things." I can't be any more specific than that. I told Sarah that there's a great tug of war going on inside between wanting to celebrate and needing to grieve, between hope and anxiety, the whole gamut of emotions. All I can do is try and hold the space in my heart for all of them at once. Whatever will be from moment to moment is what is, and is okay.
It is difficult because everyone around me wants to congratulate me, and I feel such a strong need to say "Yes, but...." It's not that I am trying to be negative, I just want to make sure THOSE feelings don't get buried. Those feelings are there too, and I almost have to fight to have them acknowledged.
I took laundry to Darlene and Lloyd's this evening. Perhaps for the last time. I am really looking forward to having my own washer and dryer! I asked Darlene to do some energy work on me, because I was feeling so jagged. I really expected there to be an emotional release, and was surprised that it took physical form instead (shivering, legs twitching, muscle spasms, etc.) I shook for a good 10 minutes after Darlene finished the session. I am shortly to bed now, as I feel like a rag doll. But the knot in my solar plexus is gone. I can feel how much more relaxed I am. And perhaps there is enough space for ALL the emotions now, so that they don't have to compete with each other to get my attention.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Setbacks
Recollections of the past 2 ½ weeks, the last 10 days of which have been very stressful:
Monday, March 6
I finally get to look at the apartment I've been waiting so long to see. It will be available April 1st. On entering the building, there is an unpleasant smell, which I attribute to someone's cooking. It is momentarily off-putting, but I don't think too much about it. The apartment is very nice. The living area is nice and big, the kitchen and bath are all brand new, and it has a nice view with the lake in the background. I take a tape measure and spend some time getting measurements of the rooms and drawing the layout. Last, we move some boxes to get a look at the promised closet. A surprise - it doesn't extend the length of the living room after all. I was skeptical that it would, as the stairway is there. It is only an ordinary closet. Still, it is an improvement over the small apartment I saw in January.
She tells me there is another larger apartment in the building next door, which will also be available April 1st. It is on the back side of the building and she assures me that one DOES have the extra closet space. I want to see it before I make any decision.
I spend the next week wondering which apartment I might take - the "view", or, the "storage." Although the second apartment does not have the view of the lake, it faces south and would be sunnier. I want that.
Friday, March 10
Plans to see the second apartment fall through and now I must wait until Monday. I am eager to have things settled.
Becky and family arrive late at Dawn's. I have only known since yesterday that they were coming. Cash has an interview in St. Cloud on Monday. I am thrilled at the thought that they might be moving so close. Becky hates the idea of moving. Who doesn't?
Saturday, March 11
Dawn's townhouse, which she put on the market recently, is being shown this morning. I meet them and we all go to the zoo. I have to leave early for our Festival of Nations dance review. I rejoin them in the evening at Kathy's for pizza and movies. It is so nice to have family here.
Sunday, March 12
I skip church in order to have brunch with everyone before they leave in the afternoon for St. Cloud. I feel guilty since this is at least the 4th time in the last couple of months.
Monday, March 13, and the beginning of the week of hell...
We are hit late Sunday night with a major winter snowstorm. It is too dangerous to go to work until the snow lets up in the afternoon. South Minneapolis has about a foot of new snow. I would skip work entirely, except that I have that appointment to see the other apartment after work.
We walk in - and the air is so thick with cigarette smell I can hardly breathe. One of my concerns had been the view, but it turns out to be quite nice, looking up toward town. And it would be sunny. The closet is again disappointing. It does extend farther back, but it is built up inside so that the actual square footage is not that great. All in all, I think I will opt for the apartment with the view, and without the residual cigarettes which could take months to get rid of. Then I see...uh oh!...is that black spot up at the bedroom ceiling what I think it is? Oh my God, there's another one, and another and another and another...and they are in the living room too - all along the outside wall. MOLD!! She tells me it is in the other building, too. (Would that explain the odor I noticed last week?) I am told the problem started a few months ago after they put in new windows. I don't remember seeing any mold in the other apartment last week. Her niece has been able to keep it under control with bleach and water. I want to see it again. THIS apartment is unacceptable. She calls from her apartment in the basement, but her niece is sick. I express concerns about the mold, and ask if she would consider a 6-month lease. She says she could do that. I tell her I will think about things and get back to her in a few days. I am quite perturbed by this development.
Tuesday, March 14
The day seems very long. I am working until 8pm. I photocopy all the rental ads from the Waconia paper. After crossing out the places that are over $700 and the places that say "No pets" there are very few left. I am going to have to look outside Waconia AND go up considerably in rent. I call Maggie, our acting branch manager now that Susan has left, and tell her about having to move and my financial concerns. Karla has told me that they will not be filling Susan's position for now, and they want to increase the hours the library is open. Would this mean that I might be able to get increased permanent hours? Maggie says that she will ask. Nothing will be known any time soon however. I come home heartsick and really needing the comfort of my Tuesday online meditation group. But the phone is dead.....
Wednesday, March 15
The phone is still dead. I am fuming. I find the construction workers across the hall and ask about the phone. It turns out they had accidentally cut the wire downstairs in the course of their work yesterday. After they fix it I can finally start making calls and leaving messages. Only one bears immediate fruit, and I have an appointment to see a place at 10:30 before work on Thursday.
I call Darlene, and I feel much better after talking to her. This apartment would be $665 - they charge extra rent for cats. And the deposit is $600. Yipes! Still it is 2 bedrooms. That promises to have more space for me. Thinking about having more space makes me feel more open financially too. I just have to trust that things will work out, and my income will increase, but it is scary.
Thursday, March 16
This apartment is in a large complex. It is out near the highway but is still within walking distance of the library. The rent comes down to $645, but that is still over $100 more than the place with mold. It does have the two bedrooms, and even a deck, and it faces south, but I am surprised at how small the rooms are, and how "cheap" the woodwork. I stew about my two choices. Put up with a mold problem that will probably get worse and could threaten my health, or stretch my meager income beyond what I can comfortably afford for a place that really isn't worth the extra cost? I come home from work feeling very close to despair. And there are no return calls on my answering machine.
Friday, March 17
My horoscope for today: "A goal you've recently been on the verge of attaining may suddenly be hit with setbacks you hadn't expected, Laurel. However major or minor they are, it's going to be disheartening. The only thing you can do is to just pick up the pieces and move on. The goal isn't dead in the water - there are only some extra tasks that need to be done before you achieve it. Do what you have to, and hang in there!"
Still no returns on any of the other calls I made on Wednesday. I am at a pretty low point and in tears. The plumber plans to tear up the pantry wall behind the kitchen sink today and I have had to clear everything out of there, putting it on the bed and wherever. I call Sarah at the church wanting some comfort and prayer support, but I only get her voice mail. The plumber is late and I have another hour before work, since I accidentally set my clock an hour ahead (don't ask me how I did that) and got up earlier than intended. Half of my problem is probably not enough sleep!
I write Sarah an email to explain what has been going on. During that time, two of the apartments in Norwood and Young America call. Both take cats. Both are $600. That still seems like a lot of money, but the one in Young America is listed as a "3-bedroom huge apartment" - I am much cheered.
I go and see the one in Norwood after work. It is even smaller than the apartment in the Waconia complex. It does have a cute little kitchen though, and a free washer and dryer.
I come home and have to put everything back in the pantry. The plumber did not finish the work and will be back on Monday. Oh joy. My emotions are still doing the roller coaster thing, but I get a big boost when Carter gives me a surprise call. It has been a very long time, and it is good to talk with him.
Saturday, March 18
It has been a long and very discouraging week. I work 10-3 and then I go see the apartment in Young America. It is right on Main Street, which doesn't amount to much in such a small town, but enough to feel uncomfortable that it isn't a residential environment. However, the inside is definitely a possibility. The rooms are large, though only one really qualifies as a bedroom. Nice big kitchen. The biggest selling point is the very large sunroom in the back - well that's what I called it, with 6 south-facing and 2 east-facing windows. It is very pleasant. I can picture myself here. The view out the back is at least better than the front view of the Bar and Grill and the Laundromat, though I am looking at parked cars. There seems to be quite a bit of closet space. The bedroom even has TWO closets. The space and all the windows are appealing, though it is old. One of the windows has a cracked pane and the owner says he would not replace it. The window shades have holes in them, and the carpet has seen better days. But it is clearly the best apartment I have seen so far.
I go home and call Dawn to see if she can come back out with me. No luck - she has her Bridge group. I call Darlene and Lloyd. They are free and Lloyd offers to drive, so we go back out that evening. They seemed to like the place, and I liked it better the second time. I came VERY close to handing over the application form and fee - I'm not sure what stopped me exactly. The landlord seemed pleasant, but a bit hard-nosed perhaps, and he did not offer to negotiate on the terms. The thought of $600 a month, plus $600 deposit, plus $25 application fee seemed daunting. And no laundry in the building (though the Laundromat was right across the street.) I decided to take the rest of the weekend to think about it. Back home, still no other calls had been returned.
Sunday, March 19
All seemed to be coming unglued with my emotions. Church offers a safe place to release things that shouldn't stay pent up. Was it fear, relief, or a combination? The apartment seemed better and better the more I thought about it, but my stomach was in knots. I got to the choir warm-up before the service and immediately couldn't sing a note for the tears. So I just sat and let myself cry. Sarah wasn't there (my email on Friday had generated an auto-response that she would be gone until Wednesday), so I went and talked to Carolyn, one of our part-time ministers. That helped. I got a much needed hug. She put me in the prayer requests during the service. Afterward, several people made themselves available for listening. It was a great comfort to know that all these people care.
I came home still a wreck though, and canceled my meeting with Bernie to record one of the CD's for the Festival of Nations that needed to be redone, and I canceled the girl's Welsh class. The place is such a mess from all the construction, with dust and bits of plaster all over, and I just couldn't face having company here. Then I called the landlord of the Young America place and left a message that I had decided to apply. He returned the call shortly and said to call him from the library on Monday and he would come there.
Then, I don't know why, but I looked at the ads again to see if there were any others I could call. There was a very minimal ad for a "downstairs" in a country house south of Cologne. The same number also listed a 3-bedroom apartment. No price was even listed, but I called anyway and left a message. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I think my heart still wanted another alternative.
I went to dance rehearsal, since I couldn't cancel that (though it was tempting.) I was still clearly struggling with my emotions. Ah well. The kids behaved extra well, knowing I was feeling fragile. Later that evening, the Cologne ad called back and it turned out to be worth investigating. The upper apartment was out of my price range, but the lower was $600. One bedroom but he estimated about 1000 square feet over all (more than the 2-bedroom places I had looked at.) I made an appointment.
Monday, March 20
I arranged to see the farm place before work, even though that meant getting up early again, and I was working from 10 until 8pm! A very long day. I didn't know what to expect as I drove out there. I didn't want to get my hopes up, but I really wanted this to be "the one."
My first impression was "Oh no - it's a basement" although the front was ground level with a very nice picture window looking out on a lovely large country yard. Tile and linoleum floors (some were going to be redone), a fairly good-sized living room/dining area though nothing to compare with that sunroom. Smaller kitchen but adequate cupboard and counter space. Gas stove which I prefer (all the others had been electric.) The whole space is very quirky - layout impossible to describe. A good-sized bedroom, LOTS of storage places including a root cellar with dirt floor, and a "tool room" with lots of shelves, miscellaneous tools, and a very large freezer - the kind that would hold a side of beef (or maybe the whole cow??), a laundry area with washer and dryer and even a dishwasher. Oh, and it had a small screened-in porch area in the front. I talked him down to $550, and that includes heat, water, AND electricity. And the deposit is only $300. I asked about maybe doing some gardening. He said, "Well, we have 20 acres - pick your spot!" He even offered to buy all the flowers that I wanted if I would keep it looking nice. Twist my arm.......
My only misgiving was the "basement" aspect of the place and the lack of windows. Would it get water and bugs?? I now felt very torn between the two places. I didn't want the choice to boil down to money, though clearly the farm would be cheaper - ironically, the same overall costs as the lake view in Waconia, except for commuting 10 miles to work.
Tuesday, March 21
Darlene and Lloyd arranged to meet me in Chaska and followed me to the farm place before work. They liked this one better than Young America, and that helped seal my decision. The owner offered 10 days of April rent free if I do the rest of the cleaning (and I don't think it needs much more than they have already done.) I could help pick new flooring for the bedroom, and he would provide paint for any areas I wanted to paint if I do the work. We all took a tour of the upstairs (I was curious), and it is absolutely gorgeous! Three bedrooms, fireplace, beautiful windows, carpeting, etc., all brand new. I don't suppose there is much hope of it, but I thought how WONDERFUL it would be if Dawn and Kathy took the upstairs. I know they want to buy a place, but for $1100 which includes heat, water, and electricity it is an absolute dream. I hope I can get Dawn to at least come and look at it!
Wednesday, March 22
Working again. Glad that I'm getting all these extra hours, but I am exhausted. Woke up about 5:30am and couldn't go back to sleep. I've decided to go for it. I've always wanted to live on a farm (there will be dairy cows after May 15 when he gets everything ready to move them from his old pasture), and I have wanted to manifest a garden for a long, long time. I knew finally that it wasn't about the money when I called to turn down the Young America place and he offered to go down to $550. No, I want that garden and the washer and dryer, and the whole country ambience. No more taking laundry to Dawn's or Darlene's. And it is south of Waconia instead of west - so closer to the Twin Cities for when I drive in for church and all my other activities.
I am off tomorrow and I hope I can sleep finally. It has been a rough 10 days. The kitchen sink only has a temporary hot water faucet now until I move out and they can tear the sink out. And the phone is dead again.......
Monday, March 6
I finally get to look at the apartment I've been waiting so long to see. It will be available April 1st. On entering the building, there is an unpleasant smell, which I attribute to someone's cooking. It is momentarily off-putting, but I don't think too much about it. The apartment is very nice. The living area is nice and big, the kitchen and bath are all brand new, and it has a nice view with the lake in the background. I take a tape measure and spend some time getting measurements of the rooms and drawing the layout. Last, we move some boxes to get a look at the promised closet. A surprise - it doesn't extend the length of the living room after all. I was skeptical that it would, as the stairway is there. It is only an ordinary closet. Still, it is an improvement over the small apartment I saw in January.
She tells me there is another larger apartment in the building next door, which will also be available April 1st. It is on the back side of the building and she assures me that one DOES have the extra closet space. I want to see it before I make any decision.
I spend the next week wondering which apartment I might take - the "view", or, the "storage." Although the second apartment does not have the view of the lake, it faces south and would be sunnier. I want that.
Friday, March 10
Plans to see the second apartment fall through and now I must wait until Monday. I am eager to have things settled.
Becky and family arrive late at Dawn's. I have only known since yesterday that they were coming. Cash has an interview in St. Cloud on Monday. I am thrilled at the thought that they might be moving so close. Becky hates the idea of moving. Who doesn't?
Saturday, March 11
Dawn's townhouse, which she put on the market recently, is being shown this morning. I meet them and we all go to the zoo. I have to leave early for our Festival of Nations dance review. I rejoin them in the evening at Kathy's for pizza and movies. It is so nice to have family here.
Sunday, March 12
I skip church in order to have brunch with everyone before they leave in the afternoon for St. Cloud. I feel guilty since this is at least the 4th time in the last couple of months.
Monday, March 13, and the beginning of the week of hell...
We are hit late Sunday night with a major winter snowstorm. It is too dangerous to go to work until the snow lets up in the afternoon. South Minneapolis has about a foot of new snow. I would skip work entirely, except that I have that appointment to see the other apartment after work.
We walk in - and the air is so thick with cigarette smell I can hardly breathe. One of my concerns had been the view, but it turns out to be quite nice, looking up toward town. And it would be sunny. The closet is again disappointing. It does extend farther back, but it is built up inside so that the actual square footage is not that great. All in all, I think I will opt for the apartment with the view, and without the residual cigarettes which could take months to get rid of. Then I see...uh oh!...is that black spot up at the bedroom ceiling what I think it is? Oh my God, there's another one, and another and another and another...and they are in the living room too - all along the outside wall. MOLD!! She tells me it is in the other building, too. (Would that explain the odor I noticed last week?) I am told the problem started a few months ago after they put in new windows. I don't remember seeing any mold in the other apartment last week. Her niece has been able to keep it under control with bleach and water. I want to see it again. THIS apartment is unacceptable. She calls from her apartment in the basement, but her niece is sick. I express concerns about the mold, and ask if she would consider a 6-month lease. She says she could do that. I tell her I will think about things and get back to her in a few days. I am quite perturbed by this development.
Tuesday, March 14
The day seems very long. I am working until 8pm. I photocopy all the rental ads from the Waconia paper. After crossing out the places that are over $700 and the places that say "No pets" there are very few left. I am going to have to look outside Waconia AND go up considerably in rent. I call Maggie, our acting branch manager now that Susan has left, and tell her about having to move and my financial concerns. Karla has told me that they will not be filling Susan's position for now, and they want to increase the hours the library is open. Would this mean that I might be able to get increased permanent hours? Maggie says that she will ask. Nothing will be known any time soon however. I come home heartsick and really needing the comfort of my Tuesday online meditation group. But the phone is dead.....
Wednesday, March 15
The phone is still dead. I am fuming. I find the construction workers across the hall and ask about the phone. It turns out they had accidentally cut the wire downstairs in the course of their work yesterday. After they fix it I can finally start making calls and leaving messages. Only one bears immediate fruit, and I have an appointment to see a place at 10:30 before work on Thursday.
I call Darlene, and I feel much better after talking to her. This apartment would be $665 - they charge extra rent for cats. And the deposit is $600. Yipes! Still it is 2 bedrooms. That promises to have more space for me. Thinking about having more space makes me feel more open financially too. I just have to trust that things will work out, and my income will increase, but it is scary.
Thursday, March 16
This apartment is in a large complex. It is out near the highway but is still within walking distance of the library. The rent comes down to $645, but that is still over $100 more than the place with mold. It does have the two bedrooms, and even a deck, and it faces south, but I am surprised at how small the rooms are, and how "cheap" the woodwork. I stew about my two choices. Put up with a mold problem that will probably get worse and could threaten my health, or stretch my meager income beyond what I can comfortably afford for a place that really isn't worth the extra cost? I come home from work feeling very close to despair. And there are no return calls on my answering machine.
Friday, March 17
My horoscope for today: "A goal you've recently been on the verge of attaining may suddenly be hit with setbacks you hadn't expected, Laurel. However major or minor they are, it's going to be disheartening. The only thing you can do is to just pick up the pieces and move on. The goal isn't dead in the water - there are only some extra tasks that need to be done before you achieve it. Do what you have to, and hang in there!"
Still no returns on any of the other calls I made on Wednesday. I am at a pretty low point and in tears. The plumber plans to tear up the pantry wall behind the kitchen sink today and I have had to clear everything out of there, putting it on the bed and wherever. I call Sarah at the church wanting some comfort and prayer support, but I only get her voice mail. The plumber is late and I have another hour before work, since I accidentally set my clock an hour ahead (don't ask me how I did that) and got up earlier than intended. Half of my problem is probably not enough sleep!
I write Sarah an email to explain what has been going on. During that time, two of the apartments in Norwood and Young America call. Both take cats. Both are $600. That still seems like a lot of money, but the one in Young America is listed as a "3-bedroom huge apartment" - I am much cheered.
I go and see the one in Norwood after work. It is even smaller than the apartment in the Waconia complex. It does have a cute little kitchen though, and a free washer and dryer.
I come home and have to put everything back in the pantry. The plumber did not finish the work and will be back on Monday. Oh joy. My emotions are still doing the roller coaster thing, but I get a big boost when Carter gives me a surprise call. It has been a very long time, and it is good to talk with him.
Saturday, March 18
It has been a long and very discouraging week. I work 10-3 and then I go see the apartment in Young America. It is right on Main Street, which doesn't amount to much in such a small town, but enough to feel uncomfortable that it isn't a residential environment. However, the inside is definitely a possibility. The rooms are large, though only one really qualifies as a bedroom. Nice big kitchen. The biggest selling point is the very large sunroom in the back - well that's what I called it, with 6 south-facing and 2 east-facing windows. It is very pleasant. I can picture myself here. The view out the back is at least better than the front view of the Bar and Grill and the Laundromat, though I am looking at parked cars. There seems to be quite a bit of closet space. The bedroom even has TWO closets. The space and all the windows are appealing, though it is old. One of the windows has a cracked pane and the owner says he would not replace it. The window shades have holes in them, and the carpet has seen better days. But it is clearly the best apartment I have seen so far.
I go home and call Dawn to see if she can come back out with me. No luck - she has her Bridge group. I call Darlene and Lloyd. They are free and Lloyd offers to drive, so we go back out that evening. They seemed to like the place, and I liked it better the second time. I came VERY close to handing over the application form and fee - I'm not sure what stopped me exactly. The landlord seemed pleasant, but a bit hard-nosed perhaps, and he did not offer to negotiate on the terms. The thought of $600 a month, plus $600 deposit, plus $25 application fee seemed daunting. And no laundry in the building (though the Laundromat was right across the street.) I decided to take the rest of the weekend to think about it. Back home, still no other calls had been returned.
Sunday, March 19
All seemed to be coming unglued with my emotions. Church offers a safe place to release things that shouldn't stay pent up. Was it fear, relief, or a combination? The apartment seemed better and better the more I thought about it, but my stomach was in knots. I got to the choir warm-up before the service and immediately couldn't sing a note for the tears. So I just sat and let myself cry. Sarah wasn't there (my email on Friday had generated an auto-response that she would be gone until Wednesday), so I went and talked to Carolyn, one of our part-time ministers. That helped. I got a much needed hug. She put me in the prayer requests during the service. Afterward, several people made themselves available for listening. It was a great comfort to know that all these people care.
I came home still a wreck though, and canceled my meeting with Bernie to record one of the CD's for the Festival of Nations that needed to be redone, and I canceled the girl's Welsh class. The place is such a mess from all the construction, with dust and bits of plaster all over, and I just couldn't face having company here. Then I called the landlord of the Young America place and left a message that I had decided to apply. He returned the call shortly and said to call him from the library on Monday and he would come there.
Then, I don't know why, but I looked at the ads again to see if there were any others I could call. There was a very minimal ad for a "downstairs" in a country house south of Cologne. The same number also listed a 3-bedroom apartment. No price was even listed, but I called anyway and left a message. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I think my heart still wanted another alternative.
I went to dance rehearsal, since I couldn't cancel that (though it was tempting.) I was still clearly struggling with my emotions. Ah well. The kids behaved extra well, knowing I was feeling fragile. Later that evening, the Cologne ad called back and it turned out to be worth investigating. The upper apartment was out of my price range, but the lower was $600. One bedroom but he estimated about 1000 square feet over all (more than the 2-bedroom places I had looked at.) I made an appointment.
Monday, March 20
I arranged to see the farm place before work, even though that meant getting up early again, and I was working from 10 until 8pm! A very long day. I didn't know what to expect as I drove out there. I didn't want to get my hopes up, but I really wanted this to be "the one."
My first impression was "Oh no - it's a basement" although the front was ground level with a very nice picture window looking out on a lovely large country yard. Tile and linoleum floors (some were going to be redone), a fairly good-sized living room/dining area though nothing to compare with that sunroom. Smaller kitchen but adequate cupboard and counter space. Gas stove which I prefer (all the others had been electric.) The whole space is very quirky - layout impossible to describe. A good-sized bedroom, LOTS of storage places including a root cellar with dirt floor, and a "tool room" with lots of shelves, miscellaneous tools, and a very large freezer - the kind that would hold a side of beef (or maybe the whole cow??), a laundry area with washer and dryer and even a dishwasher. Oh, and it had a small screened-in porch area in the front. I talked him down to $550, and that includes heat, water, AND electricity. And the deposit is only $300. I asked about maybe doing some gardening. He said, "Well, we have 20 acres - pick your spot!" He even offered to buy all the flowers that I wanted if I would keep it looking nice. Twist my arm.......
My only misgiving was the "basement" aspect of the place and the lack of windows. Would it get water and bugs?? I now felt very torn between the two places. I didn't want the choice to boil down to money, though clearly the farm would be cheaper - ironically, the same overall costs as the lake view in Waconia, except for commuting 10 miles to work.
Tuesday, March 21
Darlene and Lloyd arranged to meet me in Chaska and followed me to the farm place before work. They liked this one better than Young America, and that helped seal my decision. The owner offered 10 days of April rent free if I do the rest of the cleaning (and I don't think it needs much more than they have already done.) I could help pick new flooring for the bedroom, and he would provide paint for any areas I wanted to paint if I do the work. We all took a tour of the upstairs (I was curious), and it is absolutely gorgeous! Three bedrooms, fireplace, beautiful windows, carpeting, etc., all brand new. I don't suppose there is much hope of it, but I thought how WONDERFUL it would be if Dawn and Kathy took the upstairs. I know they want to buy a place, but for $1100 which includes heat, water, and electricity it is an absolute dream. I hope I can get Dawn to at least come and look at it!
Wednesday, March 22
Working again. Glad that I'm getting all these extra hours, but I am exhausted. Woke up about 5:30am and couldn't go back to sleep. I've decided to go for it. I've always wanted to live on a farm (there will be dairy cows after May 15 when he gets everything ready to move them from his old pasture), and I have wanted to manifest a garden for a long, long time. I knew finally that it wasn't about the money when I called to turn down the Young America place and he offered to go down to $550. No, I want that garden and the washer and dryer, and the whole country ambience. No more taking laundry to Dawn's or Darlene's. And it is south of Waconia instead of west - so closer to the Twin Cities for when I drive in for church and all my other activities.
I am off tomorrow and I hope I can sleep finally. It has been a rough 10 days. The kitchen sink only has a temporary hot water faucet now until I move out and they can tear the sink out. And the phone is dead again.......
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Atlanta
I'm still recovering! Oh, it was a wonderful time, but so much
to process! I got back late Sunday night, and then, of course,
I had to work Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, going in
early each day, so I really didn't have any down time. Today
I am off, but things have been a mess. The plumber was in
and out all day long, not to mention the drilling and pounding
that has been going on here for weeks. They broke a pipe
earlier in the week, and I haven't had any cold water in the
bathroom. At least the toilet works again now. I had to sweep
up (well, shovel really) the wooden slats and large plaster
chunks that were left all over my bathroom floor. And there
remains a big hole in the wall. Tomorrow I am told I will have
to move a dresser so that the electrician can bring up a whole
lot of wires through the wall. I am SO ready to be out of here.
I have put off moving as long as possible simply because my
rent has been unbelievably cheap here. The landlord stopped
by to check on the work and now says he would like to have
me out by May 1st. Well I called the apartment manager of
the place in Waconia this evening to see if there is any word
yet on when I can move in. I have been in a sort of limbo all
this time. People keep asking me when I'm moving and I
haven't been able to tell them anything. Lo and behold she
says she was just going to call me and let me know that it will
be available April 1st. Perfect timing, don't you think?
Anyway, after months of this limbo I finally have a definite
timeframe, and suddenly I realize how overwhelmed I am
feeling. I just want to burst into tears. Some of that, I am
sure, is coming down off the "high" of Atlanta. Where to even
begin with comments?? Perhaps I should have a nice quiet
little meditation session to pull myself back together first, but
I know that writing will also have a centering effect.
First of all, I'd have to say that going to Atlanta was a bit of a
"reckless" decision. Oh, it turned out to be quite affordable.
Still, it was reckless in the sense that I swept my usual
intellectual centering aside without any reservations and
went entirely with what my heart was telling me. I needed to
be there. I think this was a healing trip for me. I had met
some Michael students a couple years previously under
difficult circumstances that created a lot of negative fallout. To
be honest, I was having a lot of anxiety for several days before
the trip about what might still be unresolved that would be
triggered by meeting them again. Let's just say that all is now
well. It is very well indeed. And I hope that feeling is mutual.
I was SO glad to get to meet Joe at the Atlanta airport, and SO
sad that he was leaving immediately to be with his family in
Texas on the death of his father. The energy in person was not
at all what I had expected. The warrior casting that has
supported and defended me online through thick and thin the
last few years, is much softer and gentler in person. Yeah, I
know - men don't want to hear that they are soft and gentle,
especially military guys - but what a teddy bear! At least that
was my brief impression.
Speaking of the Atlanta airport -- who would've thought you
needed to take a train to get from the concourse to the baggage
claim! I walked and walked and walked and walked and didn't
really know if I was headed in the right direction at all. And I
really didn't know exactly where Kathryn and Joe were
meeting me. It was an adventure! But I arrived, and we found
each other. My luggage, however, did not arrive. Apparently it
had been offloaded due to a balance problem. The plane was
overbooked and overweight. I understand the airport had to
make quite a few deliveries the next day. It arrived after noon
the following day. In the meantime, I had borrowed a
nightgown and a change of shirt from Kathryn.
I had first met Kathryn over three years ago. She was still in
Canada then. But she drove over 300 miles to meet me halfway
in Illinois with a precious cargo in tow - one of the three kittens
that she had rescued and bottle-raised from about 10-days old
- named collectively Lion, Tiger, and Bear, Oh My! Tiger Lily
(or just Lily, as I call her now) was to become sister to Percy,
a cat that had also been rescued and bottle-raised. But that's
another story. I was thrilled to finally meet Lily's brothers,
Lion and Bear, along with Kathryn's other three cats. It was
quite startling to see Lily's face on Lion, while Bear shares the
fluffy mane and tail. Every time I saw Bear, I would think
"Lily" and wanted to scoop him up and cuddle him. Bear,
however, was rather shy. I did pick him up once without
thinking, and I think he was too shocked to protest! All of the
cats did remarkably well with so much chaos invading their
space.
One of the great joys of the weekend was the moment that I
realized Mardel was there. I have gotten to know Mardel from
Nebraska (as well as anyone can online) through the Tuesday
night meditation group and chatting regularly in Tinytown.
We ALMOST met last summer when I was driving through
South Dakota after visiting my folks in Rapid City. We had
planned then to meet up in Sioux Falls, but Mardel sprained
her knee and was unable to drive to meet me. Earlier in the
week she had told us in Tinytown that she just wasn't able to
come to Atlanta. I had really, really wanted her to be there.
Then when she did work things out, she didn't tell anyone
(other than Kathryn and Joe) because she wanted to surprise
us. Well, Mardel, hon - I was surprised all right! And every
time I looked at Mardel all weekend, I would get this silly grin,
and think "I am so HAPPY that you are here." It made my
day (week, month...) I'm still pinching myself...
What else can I report? Most of the encounters are so intensely
personal. It just doesn't compute into words. We mostly just
hung out in small groups here and there around the house.
And people would shift from room to room, and the conversations
would ebb and flow. And it was just all agape, and essence
contact, and communing. I found myself drawn repeatedly to
wherever entity mate Nancy Gordon was. Now our entity
(according to Michael) is not noted for being drawn together in
any significant way. I can count on one hand the number of
people who are both entity mates AND Michael students. But
it was "comfortable" being in her presence. And perhaps her
low frequency had something to do with that too -- acting as
an anchor, when all around me was such high energy. I had a
headache that lasted through Saturday. No amount of ibuprofen
made any difference. Now one could argue that it was from being
on an airplane or the weather or simply being around constant
noise and activity. I used to get headaches, though, during
online channeling sessions, and this felt very much like that.
I think that I have learned to ground myself adequately, at
least online, but this was simply beyond my experience. It was
the worst on Saturday when the most people were gathered,
and Michael channel Troy had arrived, and I think Michael was
also much in evidence, since Troy was doing private channeling
throughout the day.
I won't give impressions of each person who was there -- as I
said before, those encounters were intensely personal just
because everyone was so open. It wouldn't do anyone justice,
and I'd invariably slight someone. But I do want to say what a
joy it was to meet Troy! Although we never got to talk much
with each other, there was a sort of quiet, almost telepathic
exchange with Troy of gratitude, delight, acknowledgement...
I think we have some "connection" that I have felt online but
can't put into words -- it would be something like "little brother."
Or maybe it is just that we are both vegetarian Aquarians with
Leo rising? Hah! I am already looking forward to Troy's
upcoming visit to Chicago in May. I'll be there!
to process! I got back late Sunday night, and then, of course,
I had to work Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, going in
early each day, so I really didn't have any down time. Today
I am off, but things have been a mess. The plumber was in
and out all day long, not to mention the drilling and pounding
that has been going on here for weeks. They broke a pipe
earlier in the week, and I haven't had any cold water in the
bathroom. At least the toilet works again now. I had to sweep
up (well, shovel really) the wooden slats and large plaster
chunks that were left all over my bathroom floor. And there
remains a big hole in the wall. Tomorrow I am told I will have
to move a dresser so that the electrician can bring up a whole
lot of wires through the wall. I am SO ready to be out of here.
I have put off moving as long as possible simply because my
rent has been unbelievably cheap here. The landlord stopped
by to check on the work and now says he would like to have
me out by May 1st. Well I called the apartment manager of
the place in Waconia this evening to see if there is any word
yet on when I can move in. I have been in a sort of limbo all
this time. People keep asking me when I'm moving and I
haven't been able to tell them anything. Lo and behold she
says she was just going to call me and let me know that it will
be available April 1st. Perfect timing, don't you think?
Anyway, after months of this limbo I finally have a definite
timeframe, and suddenly I realize how overwhelmed I am
feeling. I just want to burst into tears. Some of that, I am
sure, is coming down off the "high" of Atlanta. Where to even
begin with comments?? Perhaps I should have a nice quiet
little meditation session to pull myself back together first, but
I know that writing will also have a centering effect.
First of all, I'd have to say that going to Atlanta was a bit of a
"reckless" decision. Oh, it turned out to be quite affordable.
Still, it was reckless in the sense that I swept my usual
intellectual centering aside without any reservations and
went entirely with what my heart was telling me. I needed to
be there. I think this was a healing trip for me. I had met
some Michael students a couple years previously under
difficult circumstances that created a lot of negative fallout. To
be honest, I was having a lot of anxiety for several days before
the trip about what might still be unresolved that would be
triggered by meeting them again. Let's just say that all is now
well. It is very well indeed. And I hope that feeling is mutual.
I was SO glad to get to meet Joe at the Atlanta airport, and SO
sad that he was leaving immediately to be with his family in
Texas on the death of his father. The energy in person was not
at all what I had expected. The warrior casting that has
supported and defended me online through thick and thin the
last few years, is much softer and gentler in person. Yeah, I
know - men don't want to hear that they are soft and gentle,
especially military guys - but what a teddy bear! At least that
was my brief impression.
Speaking of the Atlanta airport -- who would've thought you
needed to take a train to get from the concourse to the baggage
claim! I walked and walked and walked and walked and didn't
really know if I was headed in the right direction at all. And I
really didn't know exactly where Kathryn and Joe were
meeting me. It was an adventure! But I arrived, and we found
each other. My luggage, however, did not arrive. Apparently it
had been offloaded due to a balance problem. The plane was
overbooked and overweight. I understand the airport had to
make quite a few deliveries the next day. It arrived after noon
the following day. In the meantime, I had borrowed a
nightgown and a change of shirt from Kathryn.
I had first met Kathryn over three years ago. She was still in
Canada then. But she drove over 300 miles to meet me halfway
in Illinois with a precious cargo in tow - one of the three kittens
that she had rescued and bottle-raised from about 10-days old
- named collectively Lion, Tiger, and Bear, Oh My! Tiger Lily
(or just Lily, as I call her now) was to become sister to Percy,
a cat that had also been rescued and bottle-raised. But that's
another story. I was thrilled to finally meet Lily's brothers,
Lion and Bear, along with Kathryn's other three cats. It was
quite startling to see Lily's face on Lion, while Bear shares the
fluffy mane and tail. Every time I saw Bear, I would think
"Lily" and wanted to scoop him up and cuddle him. Bear,
however, was rather shy. I did pick him up once without
thinking, and I think he was too shocked to protest! All of the
cats did remarkably well with so much chaos invading their
space.
One of the great joys of the weekend was the moment that I
realized Mardel was there. I have gotten to know Mardel from
Nebraska (as well as anyone can online) through the Tuesday
night meditation group and chatting regularly in Tinytown.
We ALMOST met last summer when I was driving through
South Dakota after visiting my folks in Rapid City. We had
planned then to meet up in Sioux Falls, but Mardel sprained
her knee and was unable to drive to meet me. Earlier in the
week she had told us in Tinytown that she just wasn't able to
come to Atlanta. I had really, really wanted her to be there.
Then when she did work things out, she didn't tell anyone
(other than Kathryn and Joe) because she wanted to surprise
us. Well, Mardel, hon - I was surprised all right! And every
time I looked at Mardel all weekend, I would get this silly grin,
and think "I am so HAPPY that you are here." It made my
day (week, month...) I'm still pinching myself...
What else can I report? Most of the encounters are so intensely
personal. It just doesn't compute into words. We mostly just
hung out in small groups here and there around the house.
And people would shift from room to room, and the conversations
would ebb and flow. And it was just all agape, and essence
contact, and communing. I found myself drawn repeatedly to
wherever entity mate Nancy Gordon was. Now our entity
(according to Michael) is not noted for being drawn together in
any significant way. I can count on one hand the number of
people who are both entity mates AND Michael students. But
it was "comfortable" being in her presence. And perhaps her
low frequency had something to do with that too -- acting as
an anchor, when all around me was such high energy. I had a
headache that lasted through Saturday. No amount of ibuprofen
made any difference. Now one could argue that it was from being
on an airplane or the weather or simply being around constant
noise and activity. I used to get headaches, though, during
online channeling sessions, and this felt very much like that.
I think that I have learned to ground myself adequately, at
least online, but this was simply beyond my experience. It was
the worst on Saturday when the most people were gathered,
and Michael channel Troy had arrived, and I think Michael was
also much in evidence, since Troy was doing private channeling
throughout the day.
I won't give impressions of each person who was there -- as I
said before, those encounters were intensely personal just
because everyone was so open. It wouldn't do anyone justice,
and I'd invariably slight someone. But I do want to say what a
joy it was to meet Troy! Although we never got to talk much
with each other, there was a sort of quiet, almost telepathic
exchange with Troy of gratitude, delight, acknowledgement...
I think we have some "connection" that I have felt online but
can't put into words -- it would be something like "little brother."
Or maybe it is just that we are both vegetarian Aquarians with
Leo rising? Hah! I am already looking forward to Troy's
upcoming visit to Chicago in May. I'll be there!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)