Past lives -- Alice

A question was posed on one of my groups about intriguing past lives that we have had. And I shared this today....

Past lives -- well ALL of them intrigue me. But there are two or three that have had quite a strong impact on my present life. The first one that I knew was a past life, was a recurring dream that I had starting around age 13. I believe this was triggered because I was the same age in that past life. In this dream I was in a dungeon about to be beheaded. I don't really know why, or understand it all, but I am very afraid. There is another older woman in the dream, but not someone I knew then -- a stranger, but a kind woman, who took the time to talk to me and reassure me that life didn't end at death. Then she is taken out and beheaded. Sometimes I would wake up then, other times I would remain in the dream just long enough to realize that I DID still feel her presence with me. In any case, I always woke up with a profound sense of gratitude for this woman, thinking I will never forget her or what she did for me to take away my fear. I had that dream MANY times throughout my teens and into early adulthood. Then years went by and I didn't have the dream anymore.

When I was 38, I got my first library job out in New York state (Oneonta), and as it happened, Welsh Heritage Week, which I had longed to attend for several years (but couldn't afford), was also being held at a small college in upstate New York that year -- close enough to commute without having to pay for room and board for the week. AND it was the first (and only) time that they had brought folks from Wales to teach the Welsh Folk Dance instructors certification course. I was late getting registered, as this job had come along kind of at the last minute (one of life's mysterious synchronicities, but that's another story in itself), but there happened to be one spot left. I had been involved in folk dancing in Iowa City before taking this job in New York, and I had even tried teaching some Welsh dances that I had found, so I was very keen to learn more about Welsh folk dancing, and become certified to teach it "properly".

I went to Welsh Heritage Week with a strong feeling of "knowing" that I was going to meet someone very significant. At 38, I was HOPING for a romantic relationship, but that isn't how it turned out. I met quite a few "significant" people there. All 11 of us on the course became very close over the week, but the most remarkable, for me, was Alice Williams, our instructor and President of the Welsh Folk Dance Society. There was something about her -- a kind of immediate recognition -- but more than that. It was like seeing myself. I don't know how else to describe it. But I knew that she and I were connected in some profound way that I didn't have any words for. Later on, when I discovered the Michael teachings and read Messages From Michael, I decided that she had to be my Essence Twin. It was like a big puzzle piece falling into place.

We were both so busy, there was never much chance to talk, and she was always surrounded by people, so it was frustrating. I was also commuting rather than being able to stay late in the evenings. (It was about an hour and a half from Oneonta -- I would leave about 10:30 and get home at midnight, then get up at 6am in order to get back there for the morning language classes. I also had undiagnosed and untreated ulcerative colitis, which was manifesting at that time as a constant lowgrade fever and fatigue. Needless to say I was EXHAUSTED by the end of the week!)

But something very special happened on the next to the last day. It was our final adjudication for certification. We were each to teach a dance until now unseen. They were placed face down on a table and we picked our dance at random. Then we were given the lunch hour to prepare. Mine was a dance from a collection published in 1735. The original text was very ambiguous. Two interpretations had been given, and though the directions were clear, neither seemed "right" to me according to the original. So which should I teach not liking either one? After immersing myself in it for about half-an-hour a sudden inspiration came to me. Another one of those unexplainable AHA's that just come to you all at once. I loved it. It was very good. I felt full of confidence and joy. My version was a Baroque interpretation (I had done some Baroque dancing as part of my musicology training in early music.)

The only problem was -- this was an official adjudication. Was I allowed to be creative? Or was I supposed to teach exactly what we had been given? I didn't know, but I DID know that I was going to present my version anyway. So I did. And Alice cut me off somewhat abruptly, saying "I have seen enough. You may sit down." There was a pause while everyone I'd been teaching sat. And utter silence. She looked at me. I waited. I knew that whatever happened I could have done nothing else. Finally Alice said, "You have done me a very great honour. More than anyone else, I see myself in you. I know how tired you are. You could have taken the easy way out and done one of the given interpretations...I want you to submit your notes to me and when it is published, your name will be included. I will tell them that a young lady in America had the conviction to do it her way, and I think she is right. Llongyfarchiadau. Congratulations."

Actually, I had forgotten that part about having the dance published. I'm writing this from the journal I wrote then... The part that created so much wonder, and the part that I will always remember, is Alice saying "I see myself in you." It echoed my own feelings so exactly. I'd been thinking all week -- this is me 30 years from now (she was then 67.) We had only a few brief exchanges later that evening and saying goodbye the following morning (I think I must have stayed that night in a sleeping bag on the floor in somebody's room...) She had wanted each of us to write a brief biography of ourselves, for her to take back to Wales, probably for the WFDS newsletter. I didn't write one. I couldn't. As I said to her on parting, "There's nothing I could say more important than what you already know." And she said, "Exactly."

We exchanged addresses and began a long correspondence. Indeed, she was my lifeline over the next two years in Oneonta, which turned out to be exceedingly stressful and lonely. We would send twenty page letters back and forth. I lived for those letters. She was my mentor and best friend for the next ten years. So what does this have to do with past lives? Well, remember the dream about the dungeon that I'd had as a young girl? About 6 months after meeting Alice, I had the exact same dream again. I hadn't had the dream for years. But I woke up saying "Oh my God!!!! The woman in the dream was Alice!!!!"

I was able to meet her again briefly in 1992 when she took a "round the world" trip with a stop in New York City. I had lost my job in Oneonta in 1990 and moved to the Twin Cities where I had been living with my sister and her partner. It was time to get my own place, though I still hadn't found a permanent job. All my stuff was still in storage in Oneonta. So I rented a big truck -- it was BIG because they didn't have any of the 12 footers available, so I had to take a 15 footer (or maybe it was 18?) -- and drove it from Minneapolis to New York. I stayed with a friend in Rockaway, NJ, and took the train into NYC to see Alice. We only had a few hours. It was very poignant.

There's another thread to pull out of this if you're still reading this far, so bear with me! When the Psychic Friends Network (yes...Dionne Warwick...) came to the Mall of America, they were offering free readings as a promotion. I took a friend, and we stood in line for a good two hours before we got our turn. As it turned out, I was given a reading by a local woman who had been called to fill in. That was perfect for me, because I was looking for someone that I could go to for some answers about a lot of things. We "connected" right off the bat - she had strong Celtic interests, for example, and was a member of Clann Tartan, a local re-enactment group. I decided to ask her about Alice. I really didn't give her any info other than that she was an older woman living in Wales. She "tuned in" for a few seconds, and then asked me "How do you feel about past lives?" I just kind of laughed and said I was fine with that. What she ended up telling me was that we had been "mirror image" twins at one time. When I tell this story to my non-metaphysical friends, I say, whether you believe in psychics or past lives or not, she certainly hit the nail on the head with that phrase in describing how I felt about Alice and our relationship. Like mirror image twins. And like many twins, Alice had the uncanny ability to know how I was feeling, and to know "something was wrong" before she would get my letter telling her so.

The next time we saw each other was in 1996. Welsh Heritage Week was being held in Wales for the first time ever. I wouldn't have even considered going on my very sporadic subbing salary. But a friend of mine (through Welsh activities) called me up out of the blue and said it was "time" I went to Wales. And she was paying for it. I couldn't believe it. (I still marvel at these things!) I went a few days early and stayed in a B&B in Caernarfon across the street from Alice. A month earlier, I had been to the annual 4th of July Gymanfa Ganu (Hymn Singing Festival) at a small Welsh church near Iowa City where I had gone to graduate school. I may have been the accompanist -- I did that one year, but I often went, so I don't remember. Other years they have "hired" me to be the "Reader" -- reading the hymns in Welsh to assist the congregation with pronunciation...) Anyway, on the long drive home, I got this idea for a poem (yes, another one of those weird, almost channeling-like experiences...) I worked on it over the next few weeks, writing both in Welsh and English, and the two "halves" of the poem influencing each other in a sort of mirror image fashion. Yes, the poem was about my relationship with Alice, and I called it "Soul Twins."

I presented Alice with my poem and she was quite touched. That was a wonderful evening, and a very dear memory. I submitted the poem in our Welsh Heritage Week Eisteddfod, which, like the real Eisteddfod, involved a "Chairing of the Bard" ceremony for the best poem, which I won. The following week we went to the "real" National Eisteddfod near Swansea. Of course, Alice was there, and she enjoyed showing me around and introducing me to everyone she knew (and it seemed she knew EVERYONE.) I will forever treasure those memories.

In 1999, I finally got around to getting my overleaves channeled from Lena Stevens. I also asked her about Alice. Among her comments she wrote: "The Wales area ties you in with a time of high ritual and druidic spirituality and healing practices...Relationship with Alice goes back to other lifetimes: you have traded parent/child back and forth; she has been your mentor, and you hers; The last lifetime together she was lost to you in a flood. You have an agreement for mutual support." I emailed Lena to ask for clarification whether Alice was my essence twin or not. And she replied "Alice is not your essence twin but a member of your entity." That blew my theory right out of the water, and left me -- where? With lots of questions certainly. I have a new theory now, and I don't ask Michael about it, because I really don't want to know if it isn't true. I've pondered this endlessly over the years. One answer that came out of some discussion on one the lists, had to do with some channeling about PHYSICAL twins in the original transcripts. It was stated that this relationship continues throughout subsequent lifetimes and can be as intense as the essence twin relationship. Another answer may be that she is a kind of Traveling Companion, except that I feel quite certain she is indeed in my entity. Terri Benning spoke one time about our "Survival Cadence" which are the entity mates that share our casting position on the other two "sides" of the entity. So that's what I think (for now...)

The last time I saw Alice, was on my second trip to Wales in 2000. That was the trip with the Oak Grove church choir, and we did concerts all across north Wales. One "unofficial" concert was on the grounds of Caernarfon Castle. Alice came to see me, and we went to lunch afterward. Our relationship had become a bit strained by then. Her health was very poor, she had been very depressed, and I got the idea that she was going to die soon. So I wrote to her and tried to tell her how much she meant to me, and about the dream in the dungeon, and I think my intensity frightened her. Something she said in reply to that letter seemed to trivialize the whole relationship (from her point of view). To be honest, I was devasted for a while. So that visit was a bit painful. There was a distance between us that hadn't been there before. Her letters came less and less frequently because arthritis made it difficult to write. I tried phoning now and then, but she would be so negative and critical that I had to stop. Now she is a stranger to me again. I don't even know if she is still alive. She would be 79. So my "precognition" about her imminent death was perhaps simply a warning of the end of our relationship. It is still painful to me that we have lost touch.

I must end now. Ironically, I am off to teach Welsh folk dancing. My group is meeting this evening after several months off over the summer. I wish, I wish, I wish.... Maybe I will send her some pictures of our performance with the children at the St. David's Society's annual banquet last March....