Valentine

As usually happens every year on Valentine's Day, I found myself torn between conflicting emotions. Society has a way of impressing on single people that something is seriously wrong if one doesn't have an intimate partner. Bad breath? Bad hair? Need whiter teeth? Unattached? Poor thing doesn't have a life. In the age of liberated women, being a "spinster" is still a fate worse than death.

And I have to admit that the vast majority of my friends are married or partnered couples. The irony is that most of them envy me my freedom. I have to admit to finding great peace in my solitude, even though there are times when I am ill or under great stress that I wish I had someone to "take care of me." But not having anyone to lean on has forced me to develop both an inner strength and a deeper sense of connection to the whole world. The whole universe is my family and my home. And wanting it to be otherwise becomes a limitation. My life's lessons have been all about trust and letting go of my security blankets.

The truth is, being partnered or not, we all have to become our own parent and our own partner at some point. The greatest relationship you will ever have is with yourself. So I spent Valentine's Day thinking about what I need and how best to take care of myself during this time of stress and uncertainty. I have realized a greater than usual need for connections - being with friends and family members, asking for hugs, making phone calls and writing letters, taking walks in nature. I have also realized a greater than usual need for solitude, peace, meditation, sleep. I have realized a need for more discipline in my routine. Not working as much can very quickly cause me to lose focus and drift through the day without getting much of anything done. Just as I have had to discipline my spending, I need to discipline my time.

So the first thing I've done is give myself the day off. Ha ha! But seriously, the only way to cope with the ENORMOUS task of job hunting is to realize that you can't do it 24/7. So Tuesday is now going to be my unofficial "day off." Tuesday is the day I have my weekly online meditation group in the evening. It satisfies both the need for inner solitude/meditation and the need for connections. I can add discipline to the mix by also designating Tuesday as a yoga day. I'd love to get back into the routine of yoga every day, but I know that's not a routine I'll be able to stick with.

Now I think I will go find something to put in the crockpot, and then I will go get out the yoga mat....